File · 001 Subject: Rocker Status · Persisting

30 years
around a
radiating ball
of flame.
Yeeeey! 😑

Diagnostic

Subject has completed thirty (30) consecutive revolutions around a self-immolating fusion reactor without combusting. Inexplicable. Possibly stubborn.

EST. EXPIRY · TBD

Birthday Notice

A formal acknowledgement that you are, against all statistical reasoning and your own preferences, still here.

Existential Bulletin · No. 30

The question isn't why are we here.
The question is why are we still here.

— anonymous · probably you · 03:14 a.m.

A diagram of the
scene of the crime.

Fig. 01 · Stellar Cartography Heliocentric model, not to scale, not to comfort. Subject's coordinates flagged in violet. Recommended viewing distance: as far as possible.

SYS://SOL · OBS-30Y

⬢ TARGET LOCKED

RA 12h · DEC −04°

ZOOM 1:1.5e9

Trips around the
radiating ball

~10,950

Sunrises survived
(against the odds)

∞

Reasons to be
tired

Reluctant
celebrant

Achievements unlocked,begrudgingly.

01 Did not, in fact, combust on contact with Monday. PERSISTENCE
02 Maintained the appearance of a functional human in at least 2 group chats. DECEPTION
03 Forged emotional armor out of jokes, black shirts, and suspiciously specific playlists. DEFENSE
04 Has not yet been replaced by a more efficient version. (They are working on it.) PARANOIA
05 Continues to play music in a universe statistically indifferent to it. Heroic, frankly. DEFIANCE

30 years around a radiating ball of flame. Yeeeey! 😑

A diagram of thescene of the crime.

Achievements unlocked,begrudgingly.

30 years
around a
radiating ball
of flame.
Yeeeey! 😑

A diagram of the
scene of the crime.